I prahhhmise March 20th was not the last time I ran. I'm just really bad about posting. I'm terrible with consistency when it comes to these things. I suppose if I knew people actually read this that I'd be more inclined to write more often. But, no. I will do this for me. That's why I created it in the first place. If anybody happens to read along, cool. Enjoy. But I'm writing this for me, because it helps me to flesh out what I actually learn from running and to mark my progress, and it's designed to give me some kind of accountability. So, here's to a fresh start. Today, August 11, 2010, I resolve to write about each run. Starting today.
I don't know how long I ran, or how far, but I don't care. I mean, I have an idea, because I've ran that route plenty of times, but I don't care. That's not the important thing. The important thing is, I did it. I finished. Ohhh, how I've missed you, running. How I've missed the feeling I get after a run. I wish I could to describe it to you, those of you who may read this.
And oh, how I wish that I didn't have asthma. But, I do. That's a fact I have to accept. And, I have to actually take responsibility and realize that not taking my asthma medication actually does make a difference on a day-to-day basis, as much as I'd like to try and ignore that fact. Today was the first day in a while that I can remember that the humidity wasn't stifling. I realized I needed to take advantage of that and run. So, I did. It started out great, but as I went along, my lungs felt like they just weren't getting any air in. But, I'm stubborn and I kept going anyway.
About 10 minutes into my run, a sense of thankfulness swept over me. I was thankful for the lessons that running teaches me. I suddenly felt a surge of energy and was excited, but knew I couldn't let myself pick up the pace too much and expend all my energy in one short burst. I love that God uses those things to teach me spiritual parallels. Sometimes, I get a fresh vision of who God is and who He wants me to be, and I just feel on fire and filled with joy and energized to tread forward full-speed ahead. But when I hit a rough patch, and I get tired, it's easy to want to give up. So, just like when I'm running, I realize I have to pace myself, and be consistent.
As I got toward the end of my run and was getting tired, it was so tempting to give up because I was hurting. I was tempted to let my form fall apart and just shuffle along messily. But I realize that if I want to do things right, it may hurt. If I want to do things God's way, it may mean pain. But I know it's worth it. At that point in my run, I wasn't concerned with finishing fast, but finishing strong. I'm competitive. I always want to be the first, the best. But God is teaching me that fast isn't always best. I don't want to finish fast if it means letting my form fall apart. I don't want to rush into anything to make a name for myself before God has led me to do anything. I want to pace myself and live consistently for Him, and focus on finishing strong. I want to focus on waiting on His timing before I rush into something because it looks admirable. I believe that God has called me to ministry. But right now, I don't know what that looks like. I don't know that when I graduate, I'm going to go straight onto the missions field or end up working at a church. David was annointed as king as a young teenager, but it was years before he actually became king. I want to wait on God's timing. I don't want to get ahead of Him and jump into something because it looks good and it seems like something He would want me to do, only to realize I'm not ready and end up backing out. Now, I know people have made mistakes. I've made mistakes. I guess that's why now I realize that I'm willing to wait. Ready to move as God leads, but willing to be faithful in the things He's given me to do now without having even a glimpse of the timing or the place or position He may place me in in the years to come.
I love God.
I love running.
That's all.
